Have Republicans Lost Their Taste For Larping Monarchy?

Americans always pat themselves on the back and describe the Revolutionary War against Great Britain as a war for democracy. The fact remains we fought a war against Great Britain because we didn’t want to pay taxes. America is a republic, but deep down our dirty fantasy has always been about the monarchy. Twice the son of a president has become president himself, and once the grandson of a president has become commander-in-chief. Attacks on the idea of dynastic succession in America have usually been the domain of Democrats and progressives in during and after the age of Dubya. As 2016 approaches, Republicans can see the polling showing Hillary Clinton trouncing the current array of GOP hopefuls. Now many conservatives have begun to seem to find Jesus on prom night with regard to running for president on the family name.

Reading the Twitters today I’ve come across several conservatives touting the rising tide of Senator Elizabeth Warren. I happen to prefer Sen. Warren to the former Secretary of State, and the idea of having a wife of a former president become president is anathema to my ideal of American principles. That said Hillary Clinton is more than qualified. Her last name may have been a factor in my backing Barack Obama in 2008, but that’s not to say I would back any Republican should she be the nominee in 2016. But the idea of Republicans pushing the progressive Warren in some kind of appeal to Democratic dislike of dynastic succession is particularly cute to me. Republicans haven’t found the light in turning against pseudo-monarchy. They realize Hillary Clinton will route any of their current crop of young guns.

All the appeals to Democrats to reject the candidacy of Hillary Clinton are coming from the establishment wing of the Republican party. They have every intention of continuing the American war of the roses between the Clinton and Bush family. Why else would they be simultaneously pushing Jeb Bush?

Billionaire Kleptocracy Or Two Dudes On A Wedding Cake

The fundamental differences between the two wings of American political thought are fairly plain to see. We’re often told that Democrats and Republicans are either Siamese twins or water and oil. But it’s telling if you look to what reasons both feel the American republic is doomed. Ask any progressive and they will tell you America is doomed because of the Supreme Court’s legalizing the billionaire purchase of elections. Ask any conservative and they will tell you America is doomed because two dudes who fancy each other might be able to marry each other. Politics aside that tells you everything you need to know.

Shouldn’t The Promised Man-Animal Marriage Movement Have Started By Now?

Big Gay is in the news again this week with the firestorm over Arizona’s newly passed gay discrimination law. All across the fruited plain and on Twitter the arguments have again erupted over acceptance of our LGBT brothers and sisters. With discrimination and marriage equality, when the religious arguments are exhausted the discussion always goes to the “Slippery Slope” threat. If we allow two men or two women to legalize their love in a contract with the state, then what could be next? It’s always human-animal state sanctioned marriage. That’s always the threat at the end of the day. That’s last vestige when all the other bat-shit reasons are dead. Do we want to have a society where humans and animals are married couples? But if that logic were so automatic, why have we not seen that movement start? Same sex marriage has been legal in scattered parts of the United States for over five years. Isn’t that time enough for this inevitable human-animal marriage equality movement to begin? If not, then how long should we have to wait before we have to start dealing with what marriage equality opponents assure us is guaranteed to be the next battle?

The notion has always been insanely moronic from the start, but the time this country has lived with marriage equality in large population centers without the promised fire and brimstone should be evident to those still fighting this dead argument in politics. Most understand that the country has moved on with this and those still using this argument are the flat earthers of our time.

On Celebrating Gay Football Players And Basic Cable Hill-People

Conservative reaction to the news of Missouri defensive lineman Michael Sam coming out has been muted and grumpy as far as I have experienced. You may have some firebrand on your Twitter feed that ranted about brimstone and damnation, but for me it seemed mild annoyance that something like this was being “celebrated.” Conservatives in my experience have settled into an attitude of, “I accept that gays in polite society is an unavoidable fact of life, but I don’t have to like it and you don’t need to have a party about it to rub it in our faces.” This isn’t perfect but it’s at least some modicum of progress. This is what struck me about Byron York’s tweet from yesterday.

The article makes a valid point about Sam’s game and stats. He’s probably not a super great player, just pretty good. But it’s interesting that he feels that this in any way takes away from the history of what Michael Sam would be doing. The first active openly gay professional football player in the biggest sports league on Earth. If he goes in the fourth round so what, it’s still historic. But separately the issue of “celebrating” an average player for speaking his beliefs being passe and gauche was a bit surprising to me considering the last great conservative culture war, the fight to defend the Duck Dynasty Crew.

Conservatives en masse came to the defense of Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson after he made several homophobic and racially insensitive remarks. The rock stars of the conservative movement all came publicly to the defense of the stars of an average to bad reality television series on basic cable. Celebrating an athlete with the courage to put his beliefs on the line before the draft and not after his retirement party seems far more appropriate than celebrating some awful basic cable television show hill-person for spouting the parts of the Bible he feels give him a right to be intolerant.

The Only 2013 Year-In-Review On The Internet You Should Read Today

We’ve reached the 365th page of this book, and this is my obligatory year in review post. When you look back at a completed year, they can be noteworthy and important for national or international events that happened, or important for personal reasons. This year of our Lord 2013 was my 37th on this planet and on this peninsula, but for many reasons it was probably the most important of my life. The most important baby in the world wasn’t born in a posh spot in London England, it came into this world in the heart of Duval County.

2013 began with the inauguration of Barack Hussein Obama to another term of destroying America by reducing the size of government and inflating the stock market and corporate profits to unheard of levels. I’m left to guess that the “destruction” that we’re constantly told of may end up as a deleted scene when the Obama Presidency is released on Blu-Ray. This summer the country was wrapped up in the George Zimmerman murder trial. The lovable innocent fluffy guy that conservatives around the country strangely rallied around was eventually acquitted. That gave him more time to rack up several speeding tickets and pistol whip is girlfriend. The son of the dad on the 80’s sitcom Growing Pains dressed up like a pimp referee and did a suggestive dance with the daughter of the mullet that gave us Achy Breaky Heart, and the country went bananas like it always does over something trashy on MTV every five years. Then the Canadian born son of a former Castro Cuban revolutionary proceeded to shut down the United States government for the first time since the 1990’s in order to keep millions from getting health insurance. Obamacare became law anyway and the Canadian became a rock star with the same Tea Party right that claimed the Hawaiian born Obama was still not American. Also Breaking Bad ended. Please don’t discuss it with me though because I’m still working through the first season.

The year is sports was awful. I don’t care how good it was for you. Kiss my ass. My Florida Gators started the year getting stomped in their bowl game. The basketball team lost in the Elite 8 for the third year in a row. Then the football team proceeded to have the worst record in over 30 years. The Jaguars doubled their win total from last year, and still managed to have the second worst record in team history. To top it all off, Free Shoes University is playing in the BCS Title game. I did though get to see the contentious round at the Players Championship between Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia that led to a month long feud in person though.

Internationally the electric disco Pope became the first pontiff to retire in hundreds of years in favor of the new progressive darling Pope. Francis has become a huge problem for political conservatives in North America because of his troublesome return to the thousand years of Catholic social justice. Conservatives like Rush Limbaugh stopped their lip service to American Catholics and began calling the Pope a Marxist. Nevermind the fact that he was only saying a bit louder what Popes have been saying about the poor for centuries. Nelson Mandela tragically passed away after flipping his Harley on the Cape Town to Soweto run. Also, Prince William and his lady friend welcomed a baby. But Willy. . . Imma let you finish. . . . but my wife and I had the best baby of all time.

I became a father this year and for that reason alone this year 2013 will be one of the most important in my life. I had become a step-father late last year, and a Godfather earlier this year. But the full impact of fatherhood began on a late June afternoon when we welcomed little Harper into the world. I still can’t express how fatherhood has changed me, because on some level it seems like this has always been the case. I can’t think of a time without my girls now, so I can’t say I had some kind of sea change in mindset. I have a greater sense of purpose, and greater sense of importance. Two years ago I was a lonely guy living in a questionable part of town. Now I’m the most important man in the lives of three women, living in a questionable part of town. The world moves to the background with the job of fatherhood. I have to work hard to provide an opportunity for people to live their dreams, much like America. The future is filled with important years to come. But we’ll always have 2013. See you in the future.