The Sunshine Empire

me: you’re being contrarian on purpose
Biggus: I’m being contrarian because it’s my nature.
me: like the snake that bit the man that saved it
Biggus: Or the scorpion who killed the frog midstream.
me: sorry, that’s what I was thinking of
Biggus: Both work.
I think the lion’s paw thing would have been more realistic if the lion had eaten the mouse who removed the thorn.
me: a frog with a scorpion on it’s back in a river would win America’s funniest videos
Biggus: It would totally trump the water-skiing squirrel.
me: no it wouldn’t
no it wouldn’t
fucking take that back
Biggus: Now who’s being contrarian for the sake of being contrarian?
me: good point
the shocked squirrel would beat them both
Biggus: I think that was a hamster or something.
me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLw8EuZJDPM
that’s a shocked squirrel
and that is why the internet kicks ass
Biggus: Holy shit.
me: who would have thought we would say shocked squirrel, and be able to find it in moments
Biggus: Fucking tree rat. I’m glad he’s dead.
The Shadow knew.
me: the really sad thing is that I put in “Shocked s” and four other animals came up
also suggested was Electrocuted Anteater
someone took the time to film an anteater being electrocuted
Biggus: Apparently it’s a chipmunk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw
me: thank you
Biggus: I think all of us have wanted to get video of an electrocuted anteater at one time or another.
me: Once in college
Biggus: See. It’s universal.
me: right after eyeball porn
Biggus: What about eye socket porn?
Is that out there?
me: you are a groundbreaker
I’m not looking that up
because it’s probably out ther
Biggus: “This one’s for all the necrophiliacs.”
me: the new head of the GOP is a black man
Biggus: Steele?
me: who would have thought that blackness has become a political in thing
yes
Biggus: I would have thought it.
And it’s fuckign dumb.
fucking
me: the only reason he won was conservative guilt
Biggus: It’s actually a cynical political ploy that won’t work.
me: it was probably his flowery rhetoric
Biggus: I’ve heard him guestiing on Morning in America. He isn’t that flowery.
me: you’re missing my sarcasm
Biggus: He actually sounds like every other black conservative I’ve heard on the radio.
I’m not acknowleding your sarcasm because I firmly believe Obama is nothing but rhetoric.
me: Seriously he’s not saying anything different that what Melhman was saying four years ago
it’s a matter of structural change in the GOP, not “Hey we like black people now” like the 2000 convention
not
Biggus: Republicans need to be fiscally responsible and conservative. They have to offer a legitimate alternative to Democratic spending. They’re never going to entice blacks to join the party in any significant numbers.
me: whether you agree with it or not the Republican party has become a regional southern party
it’s much the same position that the Democrats were in in about 2002
Biggus: It doesn’t have to be that. And I do disagree.
me: they have a slight presence in the Mountain west in Utah and Arizona but that’s about it
Biggus: Except the Democrats didn’t have a problem with Bush’s social expansion. They just didn’t like the war.
You’re reading way too much into the most recent election. The demographics haven’t changed. There was just a loathing of Bush.
And a lack of vision by Republicans.
me: I’m saying they face the choice of stark opposition or Democrats-light
if that’s the case wouldn’t you think it would have dissapated after the 06 midterms
because Bush wasn’t on the ballot in 08
Biggus: No, because people are stupid and associate success and failure with the Presidency.
me: I guess that’s true, Gore did get 500,000 more votes in 2000
and he’s fat now
Biggus: Approval ratings for Congress never break 50%, yet everyone continually sends the same people back year after year until they reach a breaking point.
Which 2006 and 2008 represented.
me: That was what I thought was interesting leading up to 2006. Liberal blogs kept talking about the overall rating of Congress, but that doesn’t mean shit. Most districts are like this one, sending back a retard like Crenshaw no matter who runs, to the point that people stop running against him
Biggus: Rampant corruption, or at least the perception of such, is the only thing that changes it.
For all of the “Contract with America” talk, it was the perception of Democratic corruption that led to the ’94 sweep.
Same with the Democratic takeover.
me: CNN was just doing a tease for a story about Obama’s half brother being arrested, and the chyron said, “Are You Ready For Some Football?”
I agree
94 was not long after the check writing scandal and Rostenkowski was going down
Biggus: Yup.
me: also les than ten years after the Keating Five
less
Biggus: That was what, ’87?
me: I thought 86
Biggus: I was a kid. I don’t remember.
me: 1989
so five years
Biggus: So five years removed.
me: exacery
only one was a Republican
He put country first
Biggus: And it was in the midst of Clinton overreach. It was really a perfect scenario that Gingrich did a good job of capitalizing upon.
me: Your Rickus For A Brighter Tomorrow image is two years old
Biggus: And the tomorrow didn’t get all that bright.
That’ll teach you fuckers not to vote for me.
me: The chyron now for a superbowl story is “Shock And Awesome”
Biggus: That’s terrible.
me: Doing a Kurt Warner story
and it’s awful
Biggus: I hear he likes Jesus.
Which is a strike against him in my book right there.
me: huge on Jesus
Biggus: “I got into Jesus in a big way last year. Did you know he cured some lepers? Crazy.”
me: I put together a quiz
1.
Who’s the celebrity that you most want to hit in the face?
Biggus: Ryan Seacrest.
me: I’m almost in agreement, I would say any cast member of The Hills
2.
How’s the cut of your jib?
Biggus: Fantastic.
me: same answer actually
3.
Tastes great or less filling?
Biggus: Newcastle.
me: fuck you
4.
Do you find the pissing Calvin on the pickup truck tastefull?
Biggus: Tasteful only has one ‘L’. And yes.
me: whatever
5.
The most brilliant band in the world?
Biggus: Current or all-time?
me: they were great
6.
Biggus: I was asking for clarification fuckface.
me: Wild Turkey or Jose Cuervo?
Biggus: Neither.
me: fair enough
7.
I’ve got a creeping suspicion that?
Biggus: the voices in my head are leading me astray.
me: The Olsen twins are five feet away from Crazytown
8.
Is Tom Cruise a robot?
Biggus: Probably.
me: 9.
Can I get to ten questions of utter nonsense?
Biggus: So far, so good.
me: 10.
Designated hitter: For or against?
Biggus: Against. Pitchers are players too.
me: alright
you passed
barely
Biggus: F+?
me: F++
Biggus: Woo Hoo!
me: go to the front desk and pick up your Caraabas gift certificate